we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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