ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
