Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
