OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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