It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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