Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
