I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
