So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
