i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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