Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
