and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
