I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
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You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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