Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Four minutes until I can fart!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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