the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize