what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
