i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
