I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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