I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
