So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
