so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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