Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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