Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
