Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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