i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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