she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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