YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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