I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He passed out mid-signature
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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