hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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