If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
