this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
