He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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