Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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