Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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