My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
