the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
