Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
