Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
