Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
