I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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