I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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