dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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