sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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