After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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