I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My vagina is officially offended.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
