My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
