I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
