my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
