we have pet lesbian snakes
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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