Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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