I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
how does that bad decision feel?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
