May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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