dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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