It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
