There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
