Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
