she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
