can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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