hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
