Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
