I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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