I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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