OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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