Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
