Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
