My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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