It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
