Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
