So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
