I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
